FIRST FRIEND AT INFY

Life has to move on. I have been in Infosys for the past month and have enjoyed every second of it. I have many memories to share, and one of them is how I met my new best friend Sunny GS here at Infy.

It was the first day and our induction program had taken a much awaited break. Sitting in the second row of the auditorium, I could see a guy with loads of hair, Dhoni style in front of me. He had asked questions in every session uptil then and was making his presence felt by answering questions posed to us by the presenters. I leaned forward and tried to see what he had written in his book, and he instinctively turned around.

"Uh, hi", I smiled, a little embarrassed, "I'm from Hyderabad". "Hi.", he said, "I'm Sunny, from Mumbai. Which college?"

"It's a pretty embarrassing place and thankfully banished outside the ouskirts. I hope no one ever gets to know I'm from there. How about you anyway?", I said hoping it sounded funny.

Well, he appreciated the attempt and said, "I've just left XCS in Mumbai."

(XCS is a IT consulting company with more than $ 2 billion in revenue - the only home-grown IT co larger than Infy. Some of you can guess which company it is.)

"I see.. how long have you been working there?", I asked. "Ten months.", he said. "Well, THAT baby got delivered late."

"Yeah, well, I'm happy about it anyway". Saying this, he produced a letter from his bag and handed it over to me.

Reading this letter I realised that there are indeed people in this world who live YOUR dreams. I have always wanted to do something vengeful to a tyrant boss .. and the naukri.com ads on TV captured that in a heart-rending manner. Sunny did just that with this letter (this is authentic but edited to exclude names of those involved) :

From: sunny@xcs.com
Date: 14-Aug-2006 19:40

Subject: Serious concerns regarding XCS eLearning

To: xxxxx@xcs.com

Cc: mailto:xxxxx@xcs.com, xxxxxx@xcs.com, xxxxxxx@xcs.com, sunny.gs@gmail.com

Hello Mr.XXXXX,

This is Sunny from eLearning practice, XCS Thane.

I have an impression on XCS's view on its employees. I think, if it is billable XCS will ask its Engineer employees to do road cleaning also.

This will be my last attempt to help the desperate engineers of eLearning. Let me first describe the eLearning practice of XCS, Thane. eLearning in XCS has wide scope for engineers. Engineers will be having lots and lots of career options here.

I would like to list down some of those.

1) Graphical Designer

2) Instructional Designer

3) Data Entry Operator

4) Screen Capturing COE

5) Uploading and Downloading Expert

6) Voice Recording Artist (This option is open for only ladies but voice editing can be done by males also)

*Actually there will be specialized people available for profiles 1 and 2. But still why XCS wants Engineers to do this job? *Working in profiles 3, 4, 5 and 6 is real hell and it happens only in XCS.

Other than this there are some other options which will be available to very few people (May be around 10-15 % of current strength)
1) Customization of Learning Management System (Very few projects will be there in this.) 2) Flash Action scripting (Copy and paste of already developed code)
3) PL (Most of our seniors reached this stage very early. But it will not be that easy for the people who are joining after us because of the increase in total strength)
4) Internal Java projects (products) - In XCS, people call it as Research and Development (R&D)

Now let me tell about me and my experience in XCS eLearning -

I worked for XCS for around 10 months. I spent 2 months for training and from last 8 months, I am working in eLearning practice. Finally I am leaving this company and joining Infosys as fresher. By doing this, I will be losing 10 months of experience but still I prefer to join Infosys as fresher rather than staying in XCS eLearning.
The reasons for this decision of mine are following,
1) The work in eLearning is not giving any value addition to my knowledge. I am sure that it is highly impossible to get other job by showing XCS eLearning experience.
2)The work environment which is almost like school with special and new rules stated by Dr. Maverick Sowhat, The Global Head of eLearning XCS.
3) Dictatorship of Dr. Maverick Sowhat
4) And finally, some words told by Dr. Maverick in the floor meeting to everyone that "If you don't like the job, you can resign. But if you want to be in XCS, you have to be in eLearning". This will be applicable for those who have more than 2 years of experience in XCS eLearning. This tells about the respect we are getting from the company as well as from higher management.
Also I would like to tell something about Dr. Maverick Sowhat.
1) She compels everyone to call her by madam because she expects respect from other people but she never respects any other people.
2) Shouting at other people in office shows her level of professionalism.

3) Interfering with others personal matters unnecessarily.

4) Enforcing new rules and regulations shows that she is still in college professor mentality and this act is spoiling the work environment up to greater extent.
5) If someone opposes her act, she will take it personally and affects the appraisal. This is one of the major problems with her.
6) Lack of technical knowledge (ex. If we explain the design and draft GUI of any application, Instead of commenting about the functionalities of the application, she will comment about the matters like size of buttons, fonts and colors used)

Also I gave my resignation 14 days back and I have asked her to start the separation process by that time. In spite of my formal intimation, formal reminders and personal requests, she didn't start the process yet.

These things might be already known to you. I know that you people cannot do anything more than giving a diplomatic answer to these kinds of problems. But still I request you to look at this, if you have time. If you don't take actions on these, I'm sure the XCS eLearning people will start quitting one by one.

No more I am concerned about this as I will not be the part of this organization anymore. But I want some action for the sufferings I got from XCS. For that I have decided to avoid buying or using XAXA products and also I will discourage my friends and relatives on buying or using XAXA products.

Few last words - XCS cannot achieve Global Top 10 even after my retirement if it doesn't pay attention to the employee satisfaction.

Regards,

----------------------------------------------------

Sunny G S ,

Xaxa Consultancy Services Limited,

Tantra Park -(STPI) ,

Pokharan Road,

Opp HRD Voltas Center,

Subash Nagar,

Thane, Maharashtra India - 400601

Cell:- +919xxxxxxxxx
Mailto: sunny.gs@xcs.com

Website: http://www.xcs.com/

=====-----=====-----=====

I folded the letter in a hurry as the break was up, the crowd of freshers teemed back into the auditorium. Our next presenter dimmed the lights to start her slideshow. I couldn't help giggling at the thought of "Uploading and Downloading expert". I guessed correctly - this place was going to be fun.

(Due acknowledgements to a really cool guy called 'Sunny' here- your hairstyle rocks dude.)

THE STREAKERS CLUB

Ah, for blonde hair. No, brown hair. Reddish brown. No, black.

Hang on. Let's rewind. Although hair coloring was initially targetted at grey hair, it unleashed a desire in many people with perfectly normal hair to streak. Perhaps an occasional change is ok, but as they say, a pastime can become a passion. And passions can always take you too far. It may be hard to imagine, but there are pockets in India, where the passion for streaking has been pushed to new limits and the people are now simply... streakers. In these places, streaking is the norm, leave out hair coloring. Flat out streaking. One such place is Vellore Institute of Technology, Vellore. Well, I just found out too.

Recently, I met my long-time friend from VIT. It had been a while since we met, and she had changed considerably. As we merrily flit through the fun old days, I casually brought up the interesting topic of streaking.

"So whats all this talk of some guys streaking in your college." I asked.

"Oh that," she laughed, "Well, what can I say.. its quite the best change that has been brought about in VIT culture."

"Hmm. Well, it can't be very popular though can it?"

"Oh no. We've got a Streakers Club in VIT." she said, "We have like 100% of the college enrolled. Everyone from the students, to the staff and the workers is a full time member."

I was a bit taken aback. A minority cult is ok. But you don't expect an entire college to streak for no reason.

"That's pretty novel. How did the idea come about?" I asked out of curiosity.

"In VIT, the students always wanted to revolutionize something. We believe that with our outlandish ideas, we will get better recognition for our research programmes."

"But isn't it plain revolting?" I ventured.

"Not at all. When I came to VIT, it was a crumbling shack. The rest of Vellore couldn't care less for VIT," she said , "But after 'The Revolution' as we now call it, we have a lot more visitors on campus for our college fests and otherwise. VIT students are instantly spotted in a crowd. The press is constantly at the campus doorstep. It's nothing short of VIT-mania out there."

" 24/7 ? ", I asked feeling a little crazy.

"Absolutely!"

"Doesn't excessive streaking cause a strain on the public?", I thought aloud.

"Well, you have to think objectively. Yes, there are some who may be very disturbing to the average observer. But which person in his right mind will want to stop the whole thing?".

"Right." I said, "What are the practical uses of streaking anyway?" I asked.

"Well, the summers are really hot in VIT." she said after a long pause. I think my face let out some skepticism.

She made her case. "But hey, who cares when it is such a big success? I tell you, this is a big revolution. It's spreading everywhere. We believe this is an idea whose time has come. And the euphoria is unstoppable. We are on a winning streak."

"Hmm.. it sounds exciting. But didn't you face any anti-streaking resistance initially?"

"Yeah", she giggled, "But they streaked in protest."

"How is the streaking phenomenon catching up outside VIT?", I asked.

"Well, we haven't seen many who wanted to participate in the club. However the sponsoring support we received from non-members to keep the club going was overwhelming."

"Was it?", I feigned surprise.

"Ya, and we've thrown open the club to outsiders as well. The response has been a little muted although strangely a lot of the other clubs have seen exceptional public response since then."

"Why wouldn't they.", I laughed, unable to hide my alienation.

"Say, you seem very interested.", she bombed.

"Err.. not really. I just ..", I started .

"No, it'll be great. You'll be hot news as the first one outside VIT to join the Streakers club."

"The first one? I thought you said the response was only a little muted", I asked.

"Ok, it was fully muted.", she brushed it aside, "But hang on, I'll have you enrolled. Mind you, they're pretty strict on your committment to streaking".

"Please.. just listen to me.", I said.

"Come on, it'll be fun. We can go on a streak trek."

With this, she blithely flipped open her phone and went acackle for half-a-minute. It was a very awkward wait. When she was done, she looked at me a little dejected.

I stared at her face, and thank god I stared only at her face when she said, "I'm so sorry. To be eligible for membership, you should have been naked all your life."

(Sorry dear friend. You know who you are, and this just had to come out bursting sometime.)

THE PROJECT SCRAMBLE - II

After settling down in the room, the HoD called to a start the project presentations with a short speech:

"Today is the one and only day I will accept your projects. We have and will provide any resources for you to demonstrate your project. And each will be done within ten minutes. It is within these these ten minutes or never. And if you fail to present one, you will be stuck in this for hole for another year."

I guess I agreed with him on the 'hole'. Sitting amongst a very quiet class, I watched the project presentations begin. After half an hour, a mix of the following echoes were in my head.

"If this is a project, then I have hair on my head."

"Hah! So which website did you download that from?"

"I think you will hang around for another year."

"How can you call yourself an engineer?"

"Not even 5 minutes? Heh heh. A real small score for a real small project."

"Beeeeep. Ten minutes up."

"No wonder you didn't get placed."

"Didn't get the project? Its now or never. Get out."

"I just saw that ten minutes ago. Can't you even check if someone else downloaded the same thing?"

"We give you all the resources. And we will supply anything even now. It is YOU that is the culprit. OUT."

With such scornful remarks, our HoD sent one sullen face after the other out of the room. He was thoroughly enjoying himself, having left them underprepared and watching them underachieve. The news had just come in that the HoD was leaving on a holiday to the West Indies the next day. He would finalise the marks straight away and leave early. So that was why he was so uptight about the schedule.

Sitting amongst the others at the back, I was very fidgety about our chances of escaping today. Sure we had a couple of winners. But the way the students were being road-rolled, I just wondered.

Baksheesh, seated beside me, looked very calm and steady. All these insults out at the front didn't seem to affect him. Was there a girl beside him? No? Why was he so calm?!?

"Number thirty-seven and fifty-six", the HoD yelled. Gulp.

Baksheesh and I went to the low dias in the front. Facing the whole class can make anyone nervous. But not Baksheesh. He calmly took out the two circuits from the bag and placed them on the table.

"Sir, we have two projects today."

"Two? I th..."

"Yes. One is an instantaneous tester for AIDS and the other, a Brain to computer interface."

The room had a changed atmosphere within nanoseconds. Small murmurs spread all over the room. The HoD wasn't sure what he should do.

"Ok , start.", he said finally.

Baksheesh started, "Sir, this circuit you see here simply connects to you hand through a syringe and analyses your blood to declare whether you are HIV + or -". Some giggles surfaced in the background, presumably because Baksheesh kept saying 'you' to the HoD.

"For example, I use my friend here. Look how the green light comes on because he is free of HIV.", he said.

The pain wasn't much.The green light came on. I was 'proven' safe. It would have been a disaster had a red light flashed in front of the audience. But they all laughed.

"Explain how it works.", the HoD said.

Baksheesh then launched into a new language that he mugged on the way to college from a very fat textbook. It was probably beneath the HoD to say he didn't follow it. Actually, it was above him. The students in the back were only just coming to grips with our master plan. Well, Baksheesh's master plan.

"I don't believe this thing works. How can I be sure?", the HoD said.

"Ah, sir. We could test you." said Baksheesh. The room was filled with laughter. But it was totally risky and unnecessary.

"What is that supposed to mean?", asked the HoD threateningly.

"Well sir. I have this little sample of the HIV virus." said Baksheesh , pulling out a small bottle of a black smelly liquid and a syringe with a long needle. I didn't know he had brought these along.

"What do you mean?" , the HoD asked, still brash.

"Sir, we need the resources to demonstrate this device. You have to give us a subject to inject this and test it.", saying this Baksheesh slowly pierced the bottle and sucked the gooey liquid into the syringe.

“What do you mean ?”, the HoD asked for the third time. Its amazing how you can breath your own exhaust for so long.

“Sir, you will have to take this HIV yourself.”

"Do it to someone else.", the HoD said, warily shifting in his chair.

"Ok sir, you provide the resources. Find someone.", said Baksheesh moving the syringe around carelessly in his hand.

The game was slipping from the HoD, "Wh-why can't you feed the HIV itself?"

Baksheesh shook his head nobly, "The HIV is too weak Sir. It needs a subject to thrive and if you check with my description earlier, the circuit needs blood." he said waving the syringe menacingly. The way he said bllloooodd made even me a bit chilly.

"This is nonsense. We shall go to a hospital later and check this thing." , the HoD said.

It was my chance to chip in, "But sir, you said it was now or never".The entire room got filled with low voices of "yeah"s and "what say now"s. One particular voice clearly said "No double standards".

The HoD was thinking. He could never get anyone to be the 'subject' around here. I guess he also had to go pack for his W. Indies trip. Pushed into a corner, and almost no time left, the HoD caved.

"Er..Ok, son. Heh heh. I understand the circuit. Very novel. Keep it up. Now..what is next?", he said amidst a rising decibel of background talk.

Baksheesh turned to hold the other circuit. He whispered to me, "Son!? More like BAAP."

I tried not to laugh as he held up another circuit in the air that generated much noise in the back. Dangerous things. The room fell silent.

Baks showed a sharp, silvery, spike in the air. I said, "This plug has to go into a spine, from where it finds its way to one of your lobes. The other end goes to a PC and echoes your thoughts on the screen. For this, sir, we need a subject again."

Everyone in the room including the HoD, realised it was game, set and match. Silence reigned for a few seconds. As the secretive whispers emerged in the room again, Baks made uncomfy eye contact with the HoD. But it couldn't last. The murmurs it seemed were tugging at the HoD to say something.

Finally, the HoD shrugged. He got up and walked towards us. I saw something in his eye that showed he wasn't very angry. On the dias, he turned to the class and said, "The marks will be put up in half-an-hour. I won't be able to see anymore projects. I trust all projects have been as eye-opening as these here."

With that, the class almost erupted. Only almost, because it was so damn unlike the HoD to let someone off the leash like this, no one expected it. The HoD turned to me and Baks, "Thank you."

Half-an-hour later, the marks were put up on the notice board. Everyone got above 45 on 50. Every dude in the class came up to us and gave their profuse congrats. All of them looked at us thankfully and in admiration. Thinking back on the way the Head said thanks, it sounded like.. maybe he understood the state of college education today. Maybe he realised where the blames really need to go. Maybe the cheek with which they withdrew their offer to NGNS is striking his conscience. Maybe, the one multi-contextual word that fits here is denial of service.

On our way out of the college, I congratulated Baksheesh.

"How do you do it Baks? How?", I said, full of pride.

"Just like that." Baksheesh smiled.

"Our escapades have been just phenomenal. I'm awed. Where do you get the inspiration Baks?", I asked earnestly.

"Maybe," Baks said with a twinkle, "its your writing."

So you now know that nothing materialised from the princi's offer to NGNS. The management politely asked NGNS to "skip the exercise" and said that the principal had "clearly taken leave of his senses and may be kindly excused for the goof up". NGNS maintains that they are ready for the 'exercise' if ever the college reconsiders it.

THE PROJECT SCRAMBLE - I

"Tomorrow is the last day for project submission. If you don't do it, I will fail you and you can hang around another year."

With these I've-got-you-now words, our smug HoD plunged the class into a deathly silence. Everyone had forgotten about this. No work throughout the semester. No escape to a cinema hall. And now, as the old bore left the class, I realised that the day before the day was inescapably here.

My best friend since childhood, my partner in pain, my ever faithful companion Baksheesh, seated right next to me, looked at me and said,

"I'm hungry. Can we go to the canteen?".

This was just another of those thousands of moments over the last few years when I wanted to give a face-disfiguring slap to Baksheesh. He never ever reacts proportionately to a situation. And I've been taking in all his anomalies since his childhood.

"Ass. We need to get the project done."

"So what yaar? We'll do a nightout at my place."

In theory, a nightout is where the impossible can be done. Yes sir. Someday, you might hear that "Rome was built in a nightout" or a movie like "Around the world in a nightout".

"Fine but no distractions today", I said in a sincere voice.

"Ok. Can we just pick up a movie along the way. I will need it to stay awake through the night."

Baksheesh, my best friend, is a born vacuum. But he is a stable vacuum. He can do nothing right...but at the same time, nothing wrong. He definitely wasn't wrong being born in a crorepati's family for a start. But you have to wonder why Baksheesh didn't get even 1% of his bigshot scientist-father's brains.

But if myself and Baksheesh managed to stay out of all the blues, the trauma, the temptations and the mobbings through these four years, it is thanks to him. So, I just do things in his company knowing his protective coating is arounda me too. But don't be fooled. He is as much a danger to be with as to be without.

Later in the evening, after a short stop over at my house (which is a couple of lanes from Baksheesh's huge four storey mansion), we went to his place. We panted up the posh and polished teak staircase, through all the richly decorated floors, and into his room on the third floor. It had a large bed , understandable for someone of Baksheesh's size, an indulgent looking wardrobe, a large TV with an XBox connected to it , a powerful and wasted PC by the window, and an unused teak study table in the corner. I think his text books were donated to some library. After assembling some paper, some glue, some cardboard and sketch pens, we got down to work. Wait, this is the digital era. I just switched on his sleek computer. Baks took the paper.

Ofcourse the situation was close to hopeless. Here's how: I started something two months ago with the intent of presenting it as my project. It hasn't been touched since. There is no way in hell it could be done tonight, because in practice, nightouts are about prank calls and snoring away to glory. However, under this end-of-semester pressure, I still had the Baksheesh factor. I was always saved because he did something so insightful and yet so simple to bail us out from disaster. I could recollect a dozen events, but I think I'll keep them for later. So, confident of yet another spectacular escapade, I started thinking.

I started poking around sourceforge.net to see if there was something I could download.

Time flies when you don't know where you are going right? Around dinner time, I decided to do a review. I had listed a CRM , a testing tool, and a franchisee management program for download. I asked Baksheesh to show me what he had done. I expected some cartoons but he had mused some shocker ideas. My ideas were simply run of the mill. His ideas could mercilessly run over the mill. And any poor workers.

"Baksheesh, that isn't the way yaar. The HoD won't buy those ideas.", I told him, swaying on the rotatable chair. He really needed some orientation from me now.

Baksheesh theoretised "Look dude, even if you download those programs , you are not going to be able answer his questions. He knows these mundane things only too well. We should do something which will go over his head."

I stopped dead in my tracks. I stared in disbelief at this now former dumbass. "Over his head"? Why, ofcourse! This was a brilliant old ploy we always used in times of distress.

I always believed that if you are under-prepared, you should attack. Especially during vivas or lab exams. What I mean to say is that if you don't know the subject, rant away things which you know will go over the questioner's head. I shut down the computer, and took his paper in my hands.

Apart from some obscene ideas, when Baksheesh might have thought we were in an MBBS course, here are the results of his imagination.

Instantaneous AIDS tester (Finds out if you have AIDS, immediately)

Brain-to-computer interface (Connects the computer to your spine)

Predictive TV channel changer (changes TV channels automatically, perhaps irritatingly)

Laughing gas - applications in the future as a HR tool

Milkmaid - fuelling the world at less than 70$ a barrel
(Baksheesh loved Milkmaid so much, he thought even cars would run if you gave them some. Sounds cute does it? Try a roadtrip with him)

The great Indian rope trick (now using computer cables).

I stop here as after this the quality of his thinking started degenerating quickly. After a while of debate, we shortlisted the Instantaneous AIDS tester and Brain-to-computer interface. The criterion was "complication beyond practical verifiability", ahem, to use one's vocabulary.

Let us see, an AIDS tester? Baksheesh's father had a huge in-house laboraratory on the second floor which he used on weekends. That had a lot of things straight from a James Bond movie. Of course, we could take something by asking him, but we wouldn't live to use'em. He'd probably slaughter us twice, once for thinking about his lab, and once for not doing our project. We tip-toed downstairs carefully till we reached the lab at the end of the long granite floored lobby. Baksheesh opened the big , grey, decolamped door. Out rushed a small wind of chilled air. This large dark room was silent to the point of being eerie.

I remembered my childhood fantasies of fighting monster machines after watching Terminator 2. They were all imagined as taking place in this lab. It had grown since into something I am more intimidated by than to be taken on a trip.

Once there is someone in this huge lab, a sensor activates the lights and the air conditioners. As the tube lights blinked to stability, lo behold, once again I saw some really outlandish equipment. The silvery metal robots, the silent, blinking lights, a quite computer which was busy in some mammoth calculations, God knows for how long now...we could only see a few metres far as there were large machines down the room upto the end. The slow humming of the a.c. started, and we began looking for the cupboard where Baks's father kept all his basic circuit components. 'Basic' components for him wouldn't be in our range so we needed to look for some second rate place. Like his trash can.

We soon found a large covered trash can which was coated with a layer of black rubber for grounding. We silently started rummaging through it. Amazingly, Baks had kept his mouth shut so far. Maybe this room scared him too.

Let us see, an instantaneous AIDS tester? We only needed a syringe to your hand and connected to it, a complex looking circuit which flashes a green light if you are clean, or a red light if you aren't (and perhaps a "get well soon message"). The result was never going to be verifiable.

And so, in a short frenzy which lasted about 15 minutes, we found the components,wired'em up and screwed them together. Same for the Brain-to-computer interace which just needed some horrific looking sharp plug for the spine, and with it, a complex circuit being connected to the computer.

Within about half an hour of searching , sorting and testing, we got our two most original creations ready and blinking. What would I do without Baksheesh? We soon left the lab as carefully as we came in, and the lights and ac switched themselves off.

Back at his room, we assembled everything we needed for the next day. The circuits, some important looking books and other stuff. Baksheesh kindly ordered some pizza for us, which we finished very quickly. Just before I left for my house, at around midnight, we went up to the terrace. There was no other four storeyed building within a mile. The breeze was so enjoyable. Gazing at the standout airport in front of us, we felt awesome. The runaway was shining in the bright orange lights. As a plane started to take off, I felt rather proud to be there. Our HoD was a tough man to please and was mostly bent on troubling candis like Baks and me. And before us lay the the last test. But here was our last audacious retort.

NGNS : INTERVIEW WITH THE DEVIL

The men who run the colleges of today control the fate of their students like no other. While students have a lot to do, these men are letting them down by allowing the students to live in innocent ignorance of the realities in the outside world. NGNS went over to MCE to check the status of a twenty-five year old college and found some appalling manholes, literally and figuratively. We requested an interview with its Principal (also taking care of one other department) and got the appointment. Someone told us that it was probably in the hope for some good press. For us, this appointment promised the reality behind (and much discomfort, but not behind). As you will see, the potential for this to be an expos'e created a stir in the media world..

NGNS: Sir, Thanks for taking time out for us. (smiles all around)

Principal: No problem. I think your site is the best thing on the web right now.

NGNS: Oh, have you seen it?

Principal: A unique concept with a simple design and relevant topics, it is what the country really needs - a dedicated news agency for the millions of young hopefuls. Great idea. Great Website.

NGNS: Thanks for the commercial Sir. Shall we start the interview now?

Principal: (teeth disappear)

NGNS: Lets start with the your department's annual budget Sir. It seems that you have invested a lot (Rs.46.03 lakh last year) in infrastructure such as buildings, flooring, air-conditioners, benches , and also roads within the campus.

Principal: (teeth are back) Yes, we want this department and this college to be the best. The facilities provided are central to this.

NGNS: Hmm… but most of the students around here said that this has not helped them in anyway.

Principal: (frowns) Did they? Well you know students. They’re always complaining about something. Mindless jabber.

NGNS: Not really Sir, they had a valid point: You are short of lecturers . And it seems there is atleast one subject every semester without a lecturer.

Principal: Er..ahem ..umm… yes it’s all very important but ..err.. we are focussing on ..umm

NGNS: Something else? (we tried to hint at the college's obsession to impress the AICTE, India's accreditation body for techinical institutions, at the expense of improving basic facilities)

Principal: There are no students attending, and so there are no classes.

NGNS: But which was first , the chicken or the egg?

Principal: (confused) what?

NGNS: Sir lets move onto the canteen facilities. Its a small issue but why are there seperate dishes for the students and the lecturers? And why are the rates different?

Principal: Ask the cook.

NGNS: He says the special dishes were your instructions.

Principal: Hey! I only eat the food. He is the cook. The salt and price are his prerogative.

(i.e. from now on , we presume.)

NGNS: Fine. There is something very curious in your lab Sir. There are name-plates for lecturers along with their designated subject..but these lecturers left the college some 8 months ago.

Principal: Ya well, we are going to change them soon. I can't do everything myself.

NGNS: When do you think you will get the time for it? Hopefully before the AICTE shows up and rates you, I suppose?

Principal: Oh yes yes.

(realises that it was a trap)

Principal: I mean no. Absolutely not. I mean ofcourse, but no... I mean YES.....um..no.

NGNS: It appears that all you are interested in is eye-washing the AICTE and upping your accreditation.

Principal: Utter nonsense. (visibly irritated)

NGNS: We heard your placement season saw a lot of companies..

Principal: Oh yes. Our alumni have shown the world how good we are.

NGNS: I'm sure they have. But there have been complaints of unprofessionalism in the placement cell.

Principal: What about? There haven't been any complaints. This is one of the best run placement cells in the country. (frowns)

NGNS: Allow us to refresh your mind..you did not impart any training to the students prior to the placement season. You invited two companies to be day One recruiters. You also upset India largest IT company with your lack of interest in your mail inbox or just their mails...not to mention your inviting the best companies towards the end, totally shattering convention...I mean, aren't these cock-ups possible only by a half witted orangutan?

Principal: I can't take care of everything. (shows his teeth in a different way)

NGNS: Why don't you give up atleast the placement cell management? It is serious business when the future of the students is involved. This isn't some governement department where no one is accountable. Surely you feel some guilt?

At this moment a Bowenpalli Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) journalist was seen at the window with a video camera. Apparently he had recorded the entire conversation through the window and on realising this the Principal, who already had a very menacing and and ugly look, stood up.

Principal: HOLY ONION! (??!!??)

Angry, upset and seemingly 'fed up' , he walked intimidatingly towards our NGNS journalist and stood like a tower on fire in front of him. The BBC jounralist jumped in through the window and tried a close up of the Principal's sweaty face. This made him angrier by tenfold and he gave the camera such a blow that even the cassette on the other side of the blow, couldn't be retrieved. He started shouting..

Principal: YOU FELLOWS HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO RUN A COLLEGE, LET ALONE A DEPARTMENT. WILL YOU EVER DO IT YOURSELF? NO. ALL YOU KNOW IS TO POINT FINGERS AND SMEAR INNOCENT PEOPLE LIKE ME. WHY DON'T YOU TRY DOING THIS JOB? FOR ONE DAY? COME ON!

NGNS: Run this college? Sir, you must be joking.

Principal: Why not? Afraid? Not even a day? Ha! I knew it! Own up..all you journalists can do is point fingers.

NGNS: Sir that is not our intention. And we can't possibly risk our neutrality. However if you are very keen, may we suggest that a student do it instead of us?

(The Principal is a bit taken aback)

Principal: Fine! Alright! Who decides which student? (a shamefully feeble attempt we thought)

NGNS: Obviously us..and what about any paperwork .. and giving him real power? Is all this practical?

Principal: Ofcourse! Absolutely practical. I will take care of all the hurdles. I shall ask the management to pass a resolution instating the student for one day as prinicipal of this college. We'll fix it up on the 9th.

NGNS: Sir, thats a Sunday...

Principal: ALRIGHT, 10th !! NOW GET THE #$@!%*##& out of here!!

The BBC journalist picked up his umpteen camera pieces, and we, our intact recording equipment (without which this article wouldn't have been possible), and we made a run for the bus stop outside the college. Oops! We had forgotten to ask him about the worst transportation system for a college in the CITY, or THIRTY KILOMETRES OUTSIDE IT! Poor poor students...anyway..now we have to pick a candidate for this bizarre event. Who should it be? Who can it be..?

EPISODE IV - JUST SHOOT ME

I ambled back to the building hoping that my chances at Cognizant were not done yet. I had to try and persuade this man. I had to be prepared for any questions he may ask to see if I was worth the extra trouble. Despite the the Diwali bombardment that I just came from , I was confident I wouldn't let myself down. Anyway this man was the head of recruitment at Cognizant. Clearly it wasn't goign to be an easy job trying to impress him.

Inside the building , I noticed some students had already left their seats before the exam ended...maybe this was a tough test? Nearer to them , I saw that these familiar faces were the usual no-hopers. It was nothing new for them. And their early exit
couldn't mean anything because they leave the exam hall whatever the exam. To leave coolly during a tough exam when everybody else in the room is tense and panicky, does sound hip. To heck with the exam. It is a fashion thing.

I looked around for the Head HR person. Ah, there he was, near the stairs. Quite easy to spot these attractive t-shirts. I ran across to him and said ,

"Hi , sir. Can I talk to you now?".

"Sure. So tell me why you want to do all this extra stuff when you have already got a job?", he asked.As I guessed . This was almost like a spot interview just to see if I was worth the trouble. If I could conceal my real intentions of MBA , and give a clear reason in good language, I would be in with a chance. We started walking casually towards the entrance of the building.

"Sir, I think CTS is a really dynamic and as it is the youngest and most admired of the premiere companies, I would love to start there." , I said.

"I see.Then why did you go for some other company prior to our coming here?", he questioned.

This was a very easy one, "Sir, we were told by our placement cell that CTS wasn't going to come here. That's why. But later to my surprise, I found that you had decided to come after all.Unfortunately, as I already got a job, I am not allowed to appear for your process today." .

"Okay, do you know why we didn't want to come earlier?" , he asked with a little smile. Charming man.

The answer was, ofcourse, our goofy placement cell. They promised Cognizant that they would be the Day One company. Then they promised Cognizant's rival that they would be the Day One company. Then they kept their promise to the rival and this really pissed off Cognizant and led them to call off the recruitment visit. I don't blame them, but I was happy they decided to come after sulking a bit. The problem is that everyone thought Cognizant wouldn't come at all , and so
it was alright to go for these smaller companies that came during this sulk-break. I explained all this , but in much more formal terms .

"Thats right. Anyway , I can't break your college rules you know.If they say you can't go for another job once you're placed...how can I overrule a rule that isn't mine?" , he asked with a grim face.

I understood. I couldn't see how to get around his argument. I looked a little disappointed, and wondered what to say.We were now outside, standing at the entrance. It was hot, and I hated the unforgiving sun. There was nothing to be gained here it seemed.Feeling disappointed, I thought that I ought to say goodbye routine and go inside before I caught a ghastly tan.

"Are you eligible by all the criteria that we had set for the college? ", he asked , gazing distantly at the large muddy playground in front of us.

I looked at him. Could this be a window of oppurtunity? Did he want to try and help me? Naughty HR person . I answered with a new hope , "Yes , sir". As of this moment there was a noisy TVS-Scooty approaching us. These ladies two-wheelers make the most nasal noise. I could see it getting closer to us.

"Well then , I guess I could let you come to my office and do the exam privately...",he said.

There are moments in life when you feel life can't be better. I thought this was it until my dreamy mind recieved an indication that the Scooty had reached us. Parking it with care, and collecting her bag, my Artificial Intelligence Lecturer walked cheerfully towards us.

I refuse to complete this chapter as it is corrosive to my ego.

EPISODE III -THE ICEBERG

As we entered the canteen ,we were greeted with a bunch of gulab jamuns. Now this was a first. Our canteen has been a messy place all these years. But now, just when we were about to graduate, it is spick and span. And they are adding these new things on the menu like fruit punch, manchuria, noodles, imported chocolates and stuff. Where were all these things earlier? Somehow this always happens to me. The best things happen after I leave. In my school , they started excursions after I left. Imagine the breadth of experiences you can have on an excursion..especially in a co-ed school. Big loss. Then they bought more buses.Until my stay there,students were cramped like engg text books in a girls handbag. You had to smell other students, their tiffins, weird stuff in their bags...only the driver and the big bullies got to sit properly. Then in my junior college, we had all these bright lecturers. They were hard taskmasters..

"Ah, work out 15 calculus exercises for tomorrow dears!",
"Read up your French lessons guys! Slip test coming up!!",
"I want that 50-page assignment or your dead body at my table tomorrow by 9:30 AM sharp."
"I asked you to memorise the whole book , and you leave out the preface!How insincere can you get!?"

...you get the drift. Ok, well, after I passed out (no pun), these lecturers quit, apparently for greener pastures. I hear things are very enjoyable there now.

Back at the canteen, we sat in a rather empty place. They took the long side of the table and I was opposite them. As we settled down in our chairs, the sight of three people seated before me reminded me of one of those stress-interview panels.
(They either don't let you answer fully or they don't accept your full answer.)

"So A, where did you get that idea of writing about our internal chaos in that style?", asked Priyanka. Ah, so someone read that post.

"You know ,sometimes creativity is about observing your surroundings and rearranging them.", I said, trying to sound intellectual. She looked at me as though she dropped a rupee into a weight machine and didn't get a response. I looked at the other two..two more rupees lost.

"So how was your recent GD at IIM man?", asked Meena, saving me some embarrassment.

"Ya, it went off pretty ..", I started.

"What was the topic??", she asked impatiently.

"The topic was 'The foundation of ..' ", I tried , but -

"Hah, my Satyam selection GD was the best. Our topic was 'Role of Women in the development of India'. I was the big authority on that topic. I mean, who better than a woman to talk on these things?", Priyanka asserted. I nodded obediently.

"Our topic was like really cool. I don't remember what it was but I and Ashish were the only ones talking throughout the GD.", Aakanksha said, "The moderators were really impressed.. ".

"But our moderator was put off you know", Meena cut in, "'Coz no one spoke when he said start. Not even Murali. The fact is no one knew what the topic meant (PILs are bad). The mod shouted at us, but still no one started. He stood up on the chair shouted and threatened to hang himself from the fan if no one spoke. Obviously, he couldn't as he didn't have a rope. I was going to laugh but you have to admire his resourcefulness when he started pulling out his belt."...I think the other two were nodding away ,but my mouth and eyes were wide open.

She continued, "Eventually,I started saying something and saved the poor guy's life.He still remembers me for.."

Priyanka came back, "Well thats nothing. In my GD, the moderator was pulling his hair out. Why? Because he couldn't get anyone but me to talk. It was more like an extempore out there..Infact, he was so impressed even by my substance that he asked me after the GD if I wanted to start a political party."

"Tho kya?(So what?) I made such an impression on my mod that he took my blessings..", Akanksha boasted.

Now all three were in full flow. Now and again, one was cutting off the other. As someone without as much substance as them, I was mute. But there is a boiling point for everything. After all, I need not be a mute. I stood up and shouted, "ENOUGH!".

I wish someone noticed. They continued rattling. This was a match between the champions of chatter. They could readily become radio jockeys. Over the ensuing long minutes, someone's irritating buzzer emerged louder and louder in the background until finally the three locomotives ground to a halt. It was Priyanka's cell. It looked as though even our inanimate surroundings had had enough of this. She switched it off and peered into the distance ..she was trying to remember why she put the alarm.

"Hey, I have to pay my fees yaar! Lets go. Achyuta? Nice talking. Catch you later.", she said.

"Ok, then.", I smiled. Again, no one noticed. Getting up hurriedly, the other two followed her out of the canteen, totally forgetting that they just left something unfinished. Wait, they finished me off.

Now I was alone in the canteen. Oh, there were the cooks inside, but one never really gets to know them. They completely ignore all but those with bright yellow coupons. Time to meet the Cognizant Head I thought, and left feeling changed. Maybe like those poor students who left the seminar hall earlier in the morning. I may have escaped the seminar in the morning, but one just can't escape one's fate.

EPISODES OF A STRANGE DAY

EPISODE I

"Aren't you placed?" said Rakesh.

I knew this question was going to come up today,

"Ah, I'm glad you asked me that question Ra..",

"Then ANSWER it." he cut in.

His eyes weren't friendly. This hostility was, ofcourse, expected from all those who were eligible for the CTS. It was very important for them (remember 'life and death'?). And any extra competition from already-placed's was not welcome. Niharika was earnestly blinking at me, expecting an answer. Gimme a break guys!

"Aw, come on catch someone else, yaar!", I smiled, and after that I tried to wiggle out by saying some nice things about Rakesh. He looked at the girl, saw she was impressed, looked back at me and said, "Ok,you may go.". And I left.

The CTS ppt was still going on..these billion dollar guys always want to talk about how they spent each dollar. The seminar hall was jam-packed. Some smarties outside were looking upset as they didn't get a seat. But I was feeling bad for those stuck inside. Imagine: You can't concentrate beyond a point, so you just wish some fuse blows the power for good. You can't get up in the middle and walk out. It's rude. You've got to feel sleepy in the room as it is very dark. Worse, somebody beside you is passing big time pj's. Or even worse, the guy behind you is breathing on your neck and throws in the odd sneeze and cough. But don't worry - Finally its over, and the crowd trickles out a changed lot. I noticed a line of important looking Cognizant guys in their snazzy t-shirts as they trooped out with each dollar explained.

With the classrooms assigned and the students assembled, the invigilators started getting the papers together. I was in the first bench and in one of those 50-50 states, Will I get caught? Will I escape notice?. I was nervous, yet hopeful. Unfortunately, a pair of searching eyes picked up my sulking figure in the corner. I guess it was my bright blue shirt.

"Sorry babu." the Placement head said "Those placed cannot appear for this.".

I wanted to retort - placed? You call a 3 yr bond with a measly 10K a month placed? It is called ENTRAPMENT, not Placement. I walked out of the class looking very small. I knew I wasn't eligible and it isn't nice being told to leave. I felt like a rat caught stealing another rat's cheese. Outside the class, three "I-told-you-so " faces awaited me. Akanksha,Meena and Priyanka stood there giggling.

"You can't blame me for taking chances.Life is a rat race." I hardly said this and they broke into loud laughs. Now I really felt like a rat. Sometimes a guy tries to secure his future. Sometimes he takes a brave risk. Ocassionally he gets caught being the bank robber that he is. I'm not saying don't laugh , but hey, it happens. Anyway, suddenly the invigilators made their presence felt and ushered us out of the area. The test started and everyone, including the invigilators went inside their quiet classrooms. The four of us stood there watching the long gaping corridor before us. No test today. Definitely no job today. Just before I turned to go home, I noticed a figure in the distance. It looked mystical in the backdrop of sunshine. It was coming towards us.
(END OF EPISODE I)

EPISODE II

I was watching this mysterious figure speeding towards us. What was it? Was it a bird? No. Was it a plane? No again. Was it Superman!? No you moron, it was a Cognizant t-shirt. The person wearing it was a sharp looking man..and as he came closer I recognised him. He was the Head of the CTS team. This was a chance to try something ...anyway nothing good was going to happen if I stood still being mocked from three sides.

"I have to write this test.I am going to ask him!", I said.

"Ask him!?",laughed Akanksha sarcastically.

I may have been feeling like a rat,and maybe I will end up a bank robber but, as I said, one has still got to take one's chances. Her laugh ended abruptly as started I walking briskly towards him. Good.

But then all three started their muffled laughter again.Dignity and desperation don't go together I guess. As I emerged from the giggles, the man in the spotlight looked at me.

"Yes?"the Head asked, seeing me.

"Sir, I wanted to write your test today...", I said.

"Yes, please do, its already started ."(Please let me finish!)

"But sir, I'm not eligible as I have already been placed.However I wish to leave that job and appear for your process." (neat finish,eh?)

"Well, you see, theres your college rule blocking the way.I can't do much .But meet me later."

"Yes, sir.",I said. And then he walked off hurriedly.

This was a good start, I thought. I went back to the girls. They were heading for the canteen. Now, thats not the place generally I hang out, but I had to wait somewhere, and if it wasn't in those classrooms , it definitely wasn't going to be in the blazing sun. As we walked down , I could see the three were in a very chatty mood today. Ever heard of the phrase "tip of the iceberg"? Read on.

NGNS : "INTERNAL" CHAOS

~~*NINJA-GINJA NEWS SERVICE*~~

Maderbul village 6th February.

The IT Dept. of MCE saw incredible drama today as a group of students stormed the HOD's room in the morning and demanded a postponement of the internal assesments scheduled for the 8th and 9th. Luckily for the HOD, the students found that he wasn't in his chair. However the heat carried over into the classroom where a small group of innocent girls and boys were targeted for the change in the schedule. These students wanted the schedule to remain as it is. The little things managed to escape into a nearby lab, where they were safe for the remainder of the morning session.

Meanwhile the group managed to send their message loud and clear about the postponement to the HOD, and this, apparently, found favour with him. Later on, the little ones trapped in the lab grew up and decided to face their tormentors. They trooped out of the lab during the lunch break and made their pitch to the HOD, about retaining the internal dates. The HOD, confused, asked the two groups to sort out their issues and come to him with a definite decision - whether the internals will be held on 8th and 9th, as planned, or postponed to 21st and 22nd.

Loud arguments ensued between the students, and when neither group seemed to be getting anywhere, the future leaders of India decided to toss a coin. A most comical outcome was witnessed when the coin fell on the edge, and neither group won. Then an arm wrestling contest was organised between the strongest menbers of either group to decide the issue. Then came the most heated session of the day.

Mr.Manoj and Mr.Achyuta were sweating and fighting against each other for the their beloved friends but for nearly half an hour, no one was a clear winner. Both were desperate to prove their superiority,and while Manoj was physically stronger, Achyuta had the strength of conviction and belief .However it was learnt that Mr.Achyuta was sabotaged by persistent tickling on his back by the opposition, and was also generally depressed not to have any cheerleaders in miniskirts around him for much needed stamina. According to unidentified sources, Mr.Manoj used some unfair trickery to save the game, and in the end a draw was reluctantly agreed between both parties, though Achyuta's side knew they were robbed of victory.

Finally, the day was saved when the two groups made their one and only unanimous decision - to call the star of the month - Likhita. Sources close to Ms.Likhita tell us that she is scheduled for marriage on the 14th ,and as a result could not attend the marr....I mean..the internals between 10th and 20th.This, apparently, set the ball the rolling for this remarkable chain of events. Ms.Likhita made her stand very clear about finishing the internals as quickly as possible, viz. on 8th and 9th. Though this decision was along expected lines, it was greeted with a mix of jeers and cheers. But this was eventually the closing word on a day of high drama. The Oscar undoubtedly went to Ms.Likhita, for "most promising newcomer", thus pipping the hot favorite Vidya Balan from 'Parineeta' in the process.

Here are some quotes heard by some witnesses during the day :

"I haven't studied anything. 8th and 9th are too soon" -Manoj

"Have you opened the book? Very vast syllabus."-Priyanka

"CTS is coming on 25th!That interview is a question of life and death for me. Postponement over my dead body!" - Srinivas

"I'll be browsing the net in the lab. Let me know when you guys reach a decision" - Murali

"My internship is more important." - Apurupa

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease re" - Archana
(Yaaaaawn)

"CTS written test bhongu* ra,okka roju chalu." -Rajesh
*(he means to say that the test is bullshit and 1 day of prep is enuf)

"Chillax guys." -Achyuta

"Hahahaha. Kiddos." -II and III yr students who were watching the fun.

"Ok.8th and 9th are fine with me. Inform your friends that the internals are going ahead as scheduled." - HOD , IT dept.