NGNS : INTERVIEW WITH THE DEVIL

The men who run the colleges of today control the fate of their students like no other. While students have a lot to do, these men are letting them down by allowing the students to live in innocent ignorance of the realities in the outside world. NGNS went over to MCE to check the status of a twenty-five year old college and found some appalling manholes, literally and figuratively. We requested an interview with its Principal (also taking care of one other department) and got the appointment. Someone told us that it was probably in the hope for some good press. For us, this appointment promised the reality behind (and much discomfort, but not behind). As you will see, the potential for this to be an expos'e created a stir in the media world..

NGNS: Sir, Thanks for taking time out for us. (smiles all around)

Principal: No problem. I think your site is the best thing on the web right now.

NGNS: Oh, have you seen it?

Principal: A unique concept with a simple design and relevant topics, it is what the country really needs - a dedicated news agency for the millions of young hopefuls. Great idea. Great Website.

NGNS: Thanks for the commercial Sir. Shall we start the interview now?

Principal: (teeth disappear)

NGNS: Lets start with the your department's annual budget Sir. It seems that you have invested a lot (Rs.46.03 lakh last year) in infrastructure such as buildings, flooring, air-conditioners, benches , and also roads within the campus.

Principal: (teeth are back) Yes, we want this department and this college to be the best. The facilities provided are central to this.

NGNS: Hmm… but most of the students around here said that this has not helped them in anyway.

Principal: (frowns) Did they? Well you know students. They’re always complaining about something. Mindless jabber.

NGNS: Not really Sir, they had a valid point: You are short of lecturers . And it seems there is atleast one subject every semester without a lecturer.

Principal: Er..ahem ..umm… yes it’s all very important but ..err.. we are focussing on ..umm

NGNS: Something else? (we tried to hint at the college's obsession to impress the AICTE, India's accreditation body for techinical institutions, at the expense of improving basic facilities)

Principal: There are no students attending, and so there are no classes.

NGNS: But which was first , the chicken or the egg?

Principal: (confused) what?

NGNS: Sir lets move onto the canteen facilities. Its a small issue but why are there seperate dishes for the students and the lecturers? And why are the rates different?

Principal: Ask the cook.

NGNS: He says the special dishes were your instructions.

Principal: Hey! I only eat the food. He is the cook. The salt and price are his prerogative.

(i.e. from now on , we presume.)

NGNS: Fine. There is something very curious in your lab Sir. There are name-plates for lecturers along with their designated subject..but these lecturers left the college some 8 months ago.

Principal: Ya well, we are going to change them soon. I can't do everything myself.

NGNS: When do you think you will get the time for it? Hopefully before the AICTE shows up and rates you, I suppose?

Principal: Oh yes yes.

(realises that it was a trap)

Principal: I mean no. Absolutely not. I mean ofcourse, but no... I mean YES.....um..no.

NGNS: It appears that all you are interested in is eye-washing the AICTE and upping your accreditation.

Principal: Utter nonsense. (visibly irritated)

NGNS: We heard your placement season saw a lot of companies..

Principal: Oh yes. Our alumni have shown the world how good we are.

NGNS: I'm sure they have. But there have been complaints of unprofessionalism in the placement cell.

Principal: What about? There haven't been any complaints. This is one of the best run placement cells in the country. (frowns)

NGNS: Allow us to refresh your mind..you did not impart any training to the students prior to the placement season. You invited two companies to be day One recruiters. You also upset India largest IT company with your lack of interest in your mail inbox or just their mails...not to mention your inviting the best companies towards the end, totally shattering convention...I mean, aren't these cock-ups possible only by a half witted orangutan?

Principal: I can't take care of everything. (shows his teeth in a different way)

NGNS: Why don't you give up atleast the placement cell management? It is serious business when the future of the students is involved. This isn't some governement department where no one is accountable. Surely you feel some guilt?

At this moment a Bowenpalli Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) journalist was seen at the window with a video camera. Apparently he had recorded the entire conversation through the window and on realising this the Principal, who already had a very menacing and and ugly look, stood up.

Principal: HOLY ONION! (??!!??)

Angry, upset and seemingly 'fed up' , he walked intimidatingly towards our NGNS journalist and stood like a tower on fire in front of him. The BBC jounralist jumped in through the window and tried a close up of the Principal's sweaty face. This made him angrier by tenfold and he gave the camera such a blow that even the cassette on the other side of the blow, couldn't be retrieved. He started shouting..

Principal: YOU FELLOWS HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO RUN A COLLEGE, LET ALONE A DEPARTMENT. WILL YOU EVER DO IT YOURSELF? NO. ALL YOU KNOW IS TO POINT FINGERS AND SMEAR INNOCENT PEOPLE LIKE ME. WHY DON'T YOU TRY DOING THIS JOB? FOR ONE DAY? COME ON!

NGNS: Run this college? Sir, you must be joking.

Principal: Why not? Afraid? Not even a day? Ha! I knew it! Own up..all you journalists can do is point fingers.

NGNS: Sir that is not our intention. And we can't possibly risk our neutrality. However if you are very keen, may we suggest that a student do it instead of us?

(The Principal is a bit taken aback)

Principal: Fine! Alright! Who decides which student? (a shamefully feeble attempt we thought)

NGNS: Obviously us..and what about any paperwork .. and giving him real power? Is all this practical?

Principal: Ofcourse! Absolutely practical. I will take care of all the hurdles. I shall ask the management to pass a resolution instating the student for one day as prinicipal of this college. We'll fix it up on the 9th.

NGNS: Sir, thats a Sunday...

Principal: ALRIGHT, 10th !! NOW GET THE #$@!%*##& out of here!!

The BBC journalist picked up his umpteen camera pieces, and we, our intact recording equipment (without which this article wouldn't have been possible), and we made a run for the bus stop outside the college. Oops! We had forgotten to ask him about the worst transportation system for a college in the CITY, or THIRTY KILOMETRES OUTSIDE IT! Poor poor students...anyway..now we have to pick a candidate for this bizarre event. Who should it be? Who can it be..?

EPISODE IV - JUST SHOOT ME

I ambled back to the building hoping that my chances at Cognizant were not done yet. I had to try and persuade this man. I had to be prepared for any questions he may ask to see if I was worth the extra trouble. Despite the the Diwali bombardment that I just came from , I was confident I wouldn't let myself down. Anyway this man was the head of recruitment at Cognizant. Clearly it wasn't goign to be an easy job trying to impress him.

Inside the building , I noticed some students had already left their seats before the exam ended...maybe this was a tough test? Nearer to them , I saw that these familiar faces were the usual no-hopers. It was nothing new for them. And their early exit
couldn't mean anything because they leave the exam hall whatever the exam. To leave coolly during a tough exam when everybody else in the room is tense and panicky, does sound hip. To heck with the exam. It is a fashion thing.

I looked around for the Head HR person. Ah, there he was, near the stairs. Quite easy to spot these attractive t-shirts. I ran across to him and said ,

"Hi , sir. Can I talk to you now?".

"Sure. So tell me why you want to do all this extra stuff when you have already got a job?", he asked.As I guessed . This was almost like a spot interview just to see if I was worth the trouble. If I could conceal my real intentions of MBA , and give a clear reason in good language, I would be in with a chance. We started walking casually towards the entrance of the building.

"Sir, I think CTS is a really dynamic and as it is the youngest and most admired of the premiere companies, I would love to start there." , I said.

"I see.Then why did you go for some other company prior to our coming here?", he questioned.

This was a very easy one, "Sir, we were told by our placement cell that CTS wasn't going to come here. That's why. But later to my surprise, I found that you had decided to come after all.Unfortunately, as I already got a job, I am not allowed to appear for your process today." .

"Okay, do you know why we didn't want to come earlier?" , he asked with a little smile. Charming man.

The answer was, ofcourse, our goofy placement cell. They promised Cognizant that they would be the Day One company. Then they promised Cognizant's rival that they would be the Day One company. Then they kept their promise to the rival and this really pissed off Cognizant and led them to call off the recruitment visit. I don't blame them, but I was happy they decided to come after sulking a bit. The problem is that everyone thought Cognizant wouldn't come at all , and so
it was alright to go for these smaller companies that came during this sulk-break. I explained all this , but in much more formal terms .

"Thats right. Anyway , I can't break your college rules you know.If they say you can't go for another job once you're placed...how can I overrule a rule that isn't mine?" , he asked with a grim face.

I understood. I couldn't see how to get around his argument. I looked a little disappointed, and wondered what to say.We were now outside, standing at the entrance. It was hot, and I hated the unforgiving sun. There was nothing to be gained here it seemed.Feeling disappointed, I thought that I ought to say goodbye routine and go inside before I caught a ghastly tan.

"Are you eligible by all the criteria that we had set for the college? ", he asked , gazing distantly at the large muddy playground in front of us.

I looked at him. Could this be a window of oppurtunity? Did he want to try and help me? Naughty HR person . I answered with a new hope , "Yes , sir". As of this moment there was a noisy TVS-Scooty approaching us. These ladies two-wheelers make the most nasal noise. I could see it getting closer to us.

"Well then , I guess I could let you come to my office and do the exam privately...",he said.

There are moments in life when you feel life can't be better. I thought this was it until my dreamy mind recieved an indication that the Scooty had reached us. Parking it with care, and collecting her bag, my Artificial Intelligence Lecturer walked cheerfully towards us.

I refuse to complete this chapter as it is corrosive to my ego.